So, I promised as special post for my followers on the wonderful Bodmin moor and it still hasn't materialised, there is a reason for this, I've been in a bit of a flunk recently when it comes to writing and really struggling to get motivated. With my husband off all this week, I decided to give up trying to force it and just chillax with him, figuring a week off my help re-motivate me.
Our week thus far, has consisted of running around on SL like little loonys, staying up later, getting up even later and just enjoying quality time together.
Something we don't get to enjoy very often.
Mean while our son was off staying with his granny for a few days, returning to us yesterday, having had a wonderful time.
My motivation however has not yet re-emerged, but I figured with the weekend still to go, I will start thinking more about my current novel Annie and hope that by running it through my mind constantly, I might start to get the urge to get at it again.
Further news, the dogs and kittens have all been flea treated, again! As the last treatment didn't seem to do a thing is it me or has frontline really gone down hill or late, it certainly hasn't seemed to have much effect the last few times I have used it, but I've given stronghold a try now, hoping that will work better, if not I have a good old fashioned flea comb and the hubby and I will get down to some hard graphed on the dogs every couple of days, I will get rid of those horrible little bugs.
The car, is still off the road, because after fitting the new exhaust hubby discovered that the battery isn't holding the charge, but that is easy to fix with a new battery so fingers crossed it won't be much longer before we have transport again.
I can't wait to sell it though and get something more sensible, the Skyline has been fun and allowed Dan to fulfil his childhood dream but its time it was replace with something a little less sporty I think. I just hope Dan keeps that in mind when deciding on the next car lol.
Still got to pass it's MOT first and hoping that that doesn't result in even more faults being discovered.
Dan's has decided that he is going to try to find another Job if things don't pick up where he is now, they just aren't getting much work and their hours are being cut constantly, he had considered staying home to be my carer but as much as I love my husband I am not sure I am ready for 24/7, we need time to ourselves and our own space, plus I am not sure I am ready to admit defeat yet and take a carer, I managed okay on my own, even when I am in serious pain with my back and should Ludo, is good at giving me a little help here and there, even if he still has a long way to go before he is trained to the degree I need.
on that note, I have well and truly mastered manoeuvring the my wheelchair around the kitchen, I only bash into things, once or twice a day now, but my arms still get tired pretty quickly, I really have to build up the muscles there.
My back's not so good right now, I keep getting very bad pain that at times is almost unbearable, which often makes me worry that I may have to give in and start taking some strong painkiller medication from the doctors, which I have been trying to avoid as I have heard they can be very addictive. I don't want to go that route.
All in all despite the fact that there seems as if there are a fair few problems in our life at the moment with the car, the worsening condition of my back and lack of jobs coming in at Dan's work place, I'm feeling pretty good. I dunno, I just feel sure that things will all work out in the end, after all they always have in the past.
So apologies for not posting for a while, I hope all is well with you, love and hugs Joss xxx
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Friday 31 August 2012
Saturday 25 August 2012
crazy days
I apologise for lack of blog post of late, life has been incredibly hectic with my little boy off for the summer holidays, but I am working on a very big post for next weeks blogspiration, all going well if not it will be up the following week. However I am going to dedicate sometime today to roaming through your blogs and having a good look at your posts, love and hugs joss xxx
Tuesday 14 August 2012
Sex before marriage, right or wrong?
Strangely, this is a topic which I have been thinking about a lot, lately. When I was younger I was pretty wild and I rushed through life not really stopping to think all that much about my choices. As a result I was having sex at a pretty young age.
So when I eventually met my husband I of course wasn't a virgin. I didn't think much about it at the time, I mean as far as I was concerned everyone was doing pretty much the same, I didn't know many Christians at that point and certainly wasn't a Christian myself and so, I was of the opinion that it didn't matter.
However, having grown up a bit since then, I now realise how little self respect I had for myself. My actions in my younger days, resulted from a lack of self worth and a need for the affection I wasn't getting at home. Things were difficult in my family at that time.
Needless to say the young lads hoping to get their ends away had plenty of affection to offer at least until the deed was done and I craved that.
I didn't understand love back then or how wonderful real love was, but now I have a much better understanding and as a result I wish I had waited for my Mr right, before jumping into the sack.
I would hate for my son to go on and do to girls what other boys did to me when I was younger, because quiet frankly it was cruel and it is far to common these days. Boys and Men play on others emotions in order to get their end away and it isn't right. Sex should be between two people in love, especially the first time.
My first time wasn't a choice, but it did set me up for a lot of bad choices later on, as it destroyed any self respect I had, had for myself, you see I was raped when I was 12, by a man who had claimed he was going to teach me to do defend myself from my mothers abusive boyfriend, when really all he was doing is trying to get me to open up to him, in order for him to work out if I was likely to go to the police or not, once he deemed that I wasn't, he set out to do the very thing he had claimed he would help me protect myself from and in a far worse way than even my mothers partner had.
The reality is that life is cruel, but do we want to protect our kids from everything cruel in life, or just leave them to discover it for themselves in far more painful ways.
I therefore think it is very important to encourage the young to wait until they are married to have sex. To understand that it is a very important step in our lives and should only be done with someone that we trust and love. I can't change my past, but I want to save my son from breaking girls hearts left right and centre and if I had a daughter would want to protect her from that too.
If I could go back, knowing what I know now, I never wouldn't trust any man who claimed they wanted to help me, not until I was a hundred percent sure that they were genuine and I wouldn't offer myself up on a plate to anyone who was nice to me. I would instead, wait for the right man, the man I wanted to marry and I would also wait until our wedding day, because how much more special would that day be if I had.
Something's in life, I feel are worth waiting for and that is certainly one of those things, it isn't something we should just give away, willy nilly without a second though, it is something we should treasure, God knows what is good for us and what is not, why do we have to be so blind to it.
So what do you think, sex before for marriage right or wrong? did you do it, do you regret it, if so why? If you waited are you glad you did, or do you wish you hadn't and why?
love and hugs all Joss xxx
So when I eventually met my husband I of course wasn't a virgin. I didn't think much about it at the time, I mean as far as I was concerned everyone was doing pretty much the same, I didn't know many Christians at that point and certainly wasn't a Christian myself and so, I was of the opinion that it didn't matter.
However, having grown up a bit since then, I now realise how little self respect I had for myself. My actions in my younger days, resulted from a lack of self worth and a need for the affection I wasn't getting at home. Things were difficult in my family at that time.
Needless to say the young lads hoping to get their ends away had plenty of affection to offer at least until the deed was done and I craved that.
I didn't understand love back then or how wonderful real love was, but now I have a much better understanding and as a result I wish I had waited for my Mr right, before jumping into the sack.
I would hate for my son to go on and do to girls what other boys did to me when I was younger, because quiet frankly it was cruel and it is far to common these days. Boys and Men play on others emotions in order to get their end away and it isn't right. Sex should be between two people in love, especially the first time.
My first time wasn't a choice, but it did set me up for a lot of bad choices later on, as it destroyed any self respect I had, had for myself, you see I was raped when I was 12, by a man who had claimed he was going to teach me to do defend myself from my mothers abusive boyfriend, when really all he was doing is trying to get me to open up to him, in order for him to work out if I was likely to go to the police or not, once he deemed that I wasn't, he set out to do the very thing he had claimed he would help me protect myself from and in a far worse way than even my mothers partner had.
The reality is that life is cruel, but do we want to protect our kids from everything cruel in life, or just leave them to discover it for themselves in far more painful ways.
I therefore think it is very important to encourage the young to wait until they are married to have sex. To understand that it is a very important step in our lives and should only be done with someone that we trust and love. I can't change my past, but I want to save my son from breaking girls hearts left right and centre and if I had a daughter would want to protect her from that too.
If I could go back, knowing what I know now, I never wouldn't trust any man who claimed they wanted to help me, not until I was a hundred percent sure that they were genuine and I wouldn't offer myself up on a plate to anyone who was nice to me. I would instead, wait for the right man, the man I wanted to marry and I would also wait until our wedding day, because how much more special would that day be if I had.
Something's in life, I feel are worth waiting for and that is certainly one of those things, it isn't something we should just give away, willy nilly without a second though, it is something we should treasure, God knows what is good for us and what is not, why do we have to be so blind to it.
So what do you think, sex before for marriage right or wrong? did you do it, do you regret it, if so why? If you waited are you glad you did, or do you wish you hadn't and why?
love and hugs all Joss xxx
Sunday 12 August 2012
the last Day of the dog days of summer blog fest :(
So the question today is the one that I have been looking forward to the most. It is...
If you could have the ultimate vacation ever, where and what would it be?
This is so easy for me, as I dream of America.
Ever since I was a little girl I longed to go to America, sadly my one vacation abroad my parents choose Spain, which although beautiful is not America.
There are so many things I would love to see in America but the ultimately vacation for me, would be driving route 66, I have longed to do this as long as I can remember and am determined that one day I will. Even if I am old, grey and wrinkled, I will drive the route 66, or more likely, as I do not drive, blag someone to go with me to drive route 66 for me, while I get to enjoy all the scenery from the passenger seat.
There is no single thing that I can say attracts me to America, it is just pretty much everything and I am ever concious that lots of the things I fell in love with America for are slowly vanishing, like drive in movie theatres, and traditional American diners, and I so badly do not want to miss out on these things.
I love America so much that I do not just want to visit but long to live there one day, here's hoping I haven't used up my dream quota lol.
So where would you love to go on vacation?
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?
I'm thinking Onalaska, Wisconsin as I have friends there, it is so pretty and I like the idea of being next to the Mississippi, how about you?
love and hugs Joss xx
If you could have the ultimate vacation ever, where and what would it be?
This is so easy for me, as I dream of America.
Ever since I was a little girl I longed to go to America, sadly my one vacation abroad my parents choose Spain, which although beautiful is not America.
There are so many things I would love to see in America but the ultimately vacation for me, would be driving route 66, I have longed to do this as long as I can remember and am determined that one day I will. Even if I am old, grey and wrinkled, I will drive the route 66, or more likely, as I do not drive, blag someone to go with me to drive route 66 for me, while I get to enjoy all the scenery from the passenger seat.
There is no single thing that I can say attracts me to America, it is just pretty much everything and I am ever concious that lots of the things I fell in love with America for are slowly vanishing, like drive in movie theatres, and traditional American diners, and I so badly do not want to miss out on these things.
I love America so much that I do not just want to visit but long to live there one day, here's hoping I haven't used up my dream quota lol.
So where would you love to go on vacation?
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?
I'm thinking Onalaska, Wisconsin as I have friends there, it is so pretty and I like the idea of being next to the Mississippi, how about you?
Blogspiration post
It's time for another blogspiration post and I searched long and hard today for just the right thing. God has been so good in my life and so this seemed perfect. Enjoy
love and hugs Joss xx
Saturday 11 August 2012
Dog Days Of Summer part 2
So today I am doing the second question of this awesome blogfest, that question is ...
What Activities do you plan before summer is over?
Well I don't really have any big plans more promoting of my book, more reading and hopefully a lot of nice sunny days, that will be perfect for long walks with the dogs.
My Hubby has a week off at the end of august to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary which was actually on the 9th of August, but you grab what time you can to celebrate work permitting so we will be having a week of special time together, although as of yet I have no idea what we will be doing, so it will be a case of discovery and fun.
We also have my sons birthday celebrations coming up in September, so that should be fun. Really we aren't the sort of family who plans a head we tend to just go with the flow, so really what we do will be decided more on the spur of the moment.
Will be fun to discover as we go though :)
love and hugs Joss.
What Activities do you plan before summer is over?
Well I don't really have any big plans more promoting of my book, more reading and hopefully a lot of nice sunny days, that will be perfect for long walks with the dogs.
My Hubby has a week off at the end of august to celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary which was actually on the 9th of August, but you grab what time you can to celebrate work permitting so we will be having a week of special time together, although as of yet I have no idea what we will be doing, so it will be a case of discovery and fun.
We also have my sons birthday celebrations coming up in September, so that should be fun. Really we aren't the sort of family who plans a head we tend to just go with the flow, so really what we do will be decided more on the spur of the moment.
Will be fun to discover as we go though :)
love and hugs Joss.
Friday 10 August 2012
The dog days of summer blogfest day 1
So today is the first dog days of summer blogfest and I am so excited as I love, love, love blogfest, so the question of the day is ...
1) describe your fav summer activity thus far.
I have had a very busy summer, what with Insane Reno my first novel being published and so a large part of my summer has been about getting it out there and trying to drum up new readers. This has been an amazing activity and of course having my book published has been awesome, but surprisingly it has not been my fav activity. In fact that has come in the form of other new Authors I have met along the way.
My kindle is currently full of new books just begging to be read and so in all honesty my fav activity this summer has been a very relaxed one, curling up in a comfy place devouring books left right and centre and discovering some amazing new authors.
To many people I feel brush aside new authors, following trends that others are raving about, but I have had the great pleasure of reading some great books by first time authors this summer and I have loved every second of it and because of this I was inspired to start a new authors book club on facebook, that is designed to help and support new authors, by new authors and book lovers alike reading book by other new authors in the group and leaving them honest feedback, we have yet to have our first read as we are waiting for a few more new authors to join, but if you would be interested in taking part scroll down to the post below this one on my blog and take a look at the rules, you'll also find the link to the book there.
we aren't all that strict so even if it isn't your first book you can join in and submit your book to be read, the limit is if you have over 10 books published.
So my best activity this summer by far, is reading and I am looking forward to reading a whole lot more new books by new authors in the future.
Love and hugs Joss xx
1) describe your fav summer activity thus far.
I have had a very busy summer, what with Insane Reno my first novel being published and so a large part of my summer has been about getting it out there and trying to drum up new readers. This has been an amazing activity and of course having my book published has been awesome, but surprisingly it has not been my fav activity. In fact that has come in the form of other new Authors I have met along the way.
My kindle is currently full of new books just begging to be read and so in all honesty my fav activity this summer has been a very relaxed one, curling up in a comfy place devouring books left right and centre and discovering some amazing new authors.
To many people I feel brush aside new authors, following trends that others are raving about, but I have had the great pleasure of reading some great books by first time authors this summer and I have loved every second of it and because of this I was inspired to start a new authors book club on facebook, that is designed to help and support new authors, by new authors and book lovers alike reading book by other new authors in the group and leaving them honest feedback, we have yet to have our first read as we are waiting for a few more new authors to join, but if you would be interested in taking part scroll down to the post below this one on my blog and take a look at the rules, you'll also find the link to the book there.
we aren't all that strict so even if it isn't your first book you can join in and submit your book to be read, the limit is if you have over 10 books published.
So my best activity this summer by far, is reading and I am looking forward to reading a whole lot more new books by new authors in the future.
Love and hugs Joss xx
Thursday 9 August 2012
Calling all new Authors
Hi all,
this post is for all new authors or more specifically, anyone who has less than 10 books published, I didn't want to exclude to many people. I have started a new group called New Authors book club on facebook. The idea of the group is for new authors to help each other out, in a new way, let me explain.
Reviews on our books go a long way to helping others decide if a book is something they should read or not, but so many readers don't find the time to review or leave feedback.
As new authors it can be hard at time to get people to give your book a chance, or hard to get it up high enough in the charts that others notice it.
With the help of the book club we might be able to help push each others books up a little on the Amazon chart list.
So here is how it will work, you join the group, then email me at jossie.marie@gmail.com, your name, the name of your book and a link to it on Amazon, (no advertising your book in the group, group is only for discussing the current read) once we have a good selection of books, I will take the top either 10 or 20 and randomly select one every month.
This then becomes the book of the month that we must all do our best to read and leave feedback on Amazon about the book. It may be a short story or a novel and all books must be reasonably priced to be included.
You do not have to be a new author to join the book club or have to submit a book, that is up to you, you can just come along to help others if you wish.
The hope is that through this method not only will you promote your book and get it out there to a wider audience, as well as hopefully get some good reviews, but you will, make some new friends too and if you really enjoy the book of the month you could help to further promote it by blogging, twitting or facebooking about it too.
So if you'd like to join in the fun, follow the link here and come join in the fun.
We have yet to choose a book, so you still have time to submit to be the first read.
love and hugs
Joss xxx
this post is for all new authors or more specifically, anyone who has less than 10 books published, I didn't want to exclude to many people. I have started a new group called New Authors book club on facebook. The idea of the group is for new authors to help each other out, in a new way, let me explain.
Reviews on our books go a long way to helping others decide if a book is something they should read or not, but so many readers don't find the time to review or leave feedback.
As new authors it can be hard at time to get people to give your book a chance, or hard to get it up high enough in the charts that others notice it.
With the help of the book club we might be able to help push each others books up a little on the Amazon chart list.
So here is how it will work, you join the group, then email me at jossie.marie@gmail.com, your name, the name of your book and a link to it on Amazon, (no advertising your book in the group, group is only for discussing the current read) once we have a good selection of books, I will take the top either 10 or 20 and randomly select one every month.
This then becomes the book of the month that we must all do our best to read and leave feedback on Amazon about the book. It may be a short story or a novel and all books must be reasonably priced to be included.
You do not have to be a new author to join the book club or have to submit a book, that is up to you, you can just come along to help others if you wish.
The hope is that through this method not only will you promote your book and get it out there to a wider audience, as well as hopefully get some good reviews, but you will, make some new friends too and if you really enjoy the book of the month you could help to further promote it by blogging, twitting or facebooking about it too.
So if you'd like to join in the fun, follow the link here and come join in the fun.
We have yet to choose a book, so you still have time to submit to be the first read.
love and hugs
Joss xxx
Wednesday 8 August 2012
enjoy, love and hug's Joss xx
http://www.godvine.com/Dying-Dog-Gives-Up-On-Life-But-Just-Watch-What-Happens-Next-1875.html
Childhood monster blog post
So, I am getting involved with another blogfest, I love these things and only wished that there were more. So this one is all about childhood monsters. My time for imaginary childhood monsters was relatively short before a real one came into my life, but I remember as a kid being afraid to sleep with any of my body parts hanging out of the bed for fear that the bogey monster would grab at them from under the bed.
Everything had to be safely tucked under the quilt nice and tight, my dog curled up beside me for me to be able to sleep.
Then there were the shadow monsters, the ones that instantly appeared as soon as the light went off and vanished as soon as they came on. I would spend hours laying there frozen to the spot staring at the shadow monsters until at last reality kicked in and I figured out what was creating it, or I panicked and screamed for my mum.
I now have experienced Childhood monsters with my son, who went through a very bad stage of being afraid of monsters, we came up with an idea of combating it, by buying him Glow in the dark dinosaurs that stick on his walls.
We told him that the Dinosaurs would glow first thing when he went to bed to make sure the monsters knew they better not come near and then would only glow if the bad monsters tried to get in to combat that fact that there glow wears off. Ever since he has slept soundly in his bed with not a problem.
However we did have to reassure him that they would only scare of the bad monsters and not the good one, because he liked the good ones lol.
I can't remember how my own mum dealt with my Childhood monster fear, but my husbands mum had quiet a good idea, she gave my husband a little toy gun when he was a child and told him whenever he saw a monster to shoot at it and it would run away. I can just imagine what would have happened if I had used that approach with Kye kye, lol, he would be up all night pow pow powing away lol.
I'd love to hear your stories about your childhood monsters and how your parents combated them for you, or how you did for your own children.
love and hugs
Joss xxx
Everything had to be safely tucked under the quilt nice and tight, my dog curled up beside me for me to be able to sleep.
Then there were the shadow monsters, the ones that instantly appeared as soon as the light went off and vanished as soon as they came on. I would spend hours laying there frozen to the spot staring at the shadow monsters until at last reality kicked in and I figured out what was creating it, or I panicked and screamed for my mum.
I now have experienced Childhood monsters with my son, who went through a very bad stage of being afraid of monsters, we came up with an idea of combating it, by buying him Glow in the dark dinosaurs that stick on his walls.
We told him that the Dinosaurs would glow first thing when he went to bed to make sure the monsters knew they better not come near and then would only glow if the bad monsters tried to get in to combat that fact that there glow wears off. Ever since he has slept soundly in his bed with not a problem.
However we did have to reassure him that they would only scare of the bad monsters and not the good one, because he liked the good ones lol.
I can't remember how my own mum dealt with my Childhood monster fear, but my husbands mum had quiet a good idea, she gave my husband a little toy gun when he was a child and told him whenever he saw a monster to shoot at it and it would run away. I can just imagine what would have happened if I had used that approach with Kye kye, lol, he would be up all night pow pow powing away lol.
I'd love to hear your stories about your childhood monsters and how your parents combated them for you, or how you did for your own children.
love and hugs
Joss xxx
Monday 6 August 2012
Life in the madhouse.
So it has been a while since I talked much about what was going on in my life, obviously I recently got my first novel Insane Reno published, Which is just a dream come true for me.
I don't think I really estimated, very well, how much work would be involved with Insane Reno actually being published, since it popped up on Amazon, I have just had non stop work, be it replying to emails, promoting, or working hard to get Annie the prequel finished and up too.
It is all new for me and such a big learning curve that I suspect it is going to take a fair amount of getting used too.
Also this year I really had to start facing up to my disability, which quite frankly I had bee doing my best to ignore. When I had my son Kye, almost 6 years ago now, I was in labour for 53 hours, for I managed most of that on just gas and air, but then because of the length of my labour and my pure exhaustion, the midwives felt I should have an epidural, otherwise, I might not have the strength to push.
Now having an epidural is an incredibly scary thing, but oh my, once that needle is in and the medicine flowing, it feels so great, I even got to have a little nap. Sadly as we all know epidurals can be dangerous. What I didn't know at that they can cause your back to weaken over time. That is to say, I assumed if you were going to be paralysed by an epidural it would be instant.
However, that was not the case, after having my epidural, I began to get twinges in my back that were quite sharp, every so often, they gradually grew and grew over the years until they got to the point I am out now, unable to stand for very long, or walk very far without excruciating pain.
In order to obtain the small amount of mobility I still have, I have to use a wheelchair as much as possible, whenever I am doing anything that causes me pain. The idea is you see to keep the small amount of mobility I have in order that I will always (hopefully) be able to get myself in and out of the bath unaided, get out of my chair to get into bed, and so on and so forth.
the mobility scooter I was using outside was something I had only just gotten used to when I was informed that a wheelchair would need to be used inside and as much as possible and I put off getting that wheelchair like crazy. I didn't want to admit it had got that bad, because I still wanted to believe that it would get better somehow.
The wheel chair was like saying it's all over now, at least in my head.
So I have had it a couple of months now and am slowly coming to terms with it. It helps that I have my lovely little loopy lu, who is slowly learning to be my service dog. As he is such a clown and always making me laugh, to be fair, Ludo is probably going to be one of the worst service dogs ever if I don't stop laughing at his naughty antics and start encourage him to stay focused and do the required task.
He is so smart and fast to learn but he does love laughter and if you laugh when he does something silly he will repeat it time and time again.
for instance, when I started working with Ludo to help me with the washing, I got it so he was helping me pull stuff out at first which he excelled at, then we naturally moved on to him pushing things into the machine, which he did half-heartedly, because lets face it, it's just not as fun and yanky things out. Especially when they are caught in part under other items and you get to have a good tug. But then Ludo discovered the good thing about helping to load the machine, once its full there is a whole new load of stuff to pull back out, the only thing he hasn't quite grasp, is that those things really need to go through the wash first, nope, Ludo just puts them in and starts yanking them all straight back out again as soon as it is full. I made the mistake of laughing and this game spread, I put something in the bin, trying to encourage him to help with this, he pulls it back out and waits for me to put it back in again, I put something away, ludo wants to pull it back out again. So we are currently working on his patience and the fact that we are not just doing jobs for him to undo them straight away lol.
My other problem with Ludo is that I was determined he be a pet first and for most, I didn't want him to be able to go in shops with me, just help with things around the house and when we are out and I am on the scooter and drop things, So I kind of let him get away in the early days with him being overenthusiastic to get peoples attention. The result being that he spring boards up and down in front of people and spins in circles in front of them, because he has learned yep you guessed it, people laugh at this.
So we still have some wrinkles to iron out with ludo, due to my overly laid back approach with him lol.
Still he is making me come to terms with my disability a lot better.
the other thing currently going on in my life revolves around my husband and his Job, due to the recession the company my husband works for looks like it is set to go bust. We had discussed the possibility of Dan becoming my carer at some point to help me with the things I can't do, which Ludo can't help me with, and because should my back ever go completely while my son is at school and I am unable to move and not near a phone, how would I be able to let someone know I wouldn't be there to meet him off the bus and that is a very scary thought. With Dan home it means that, that never need be a worry. Due to the company he works for looking like they are going to go bust we decided now was probably the time to put that in action, but it is very scary as there are no guarantees as to how much help you will get with money and thus, so many questions regarding whether we can actually afford to take that route.
The reality is we are just going to have to go with the flow and try it and see, hoping that it all works out ok in the end, but it will certainly mean tightening our belts a fair bit.
Still I have faith that everything will work out okay in the end.
flash news:
De man my old Jack Russell cross (pictured above with his friend Flea lol) has really been struggling with his arthritis of late, so much so that when he stands still on the spot for to long his back legs shake like crazy. It's heartbreaking knowing that other than giving him his tablets we can not do anything to help. He doesn't seem to be in actual pain but it is not always easy to tell. I think I am going to take him to the vets and try and see if there is anything else they can do, if only for peace of mind.
Kye Kye, got his foot stood on by a horse, well I say foot but it more kind of scraped down his leg as you can see from the picture above, while staying down with his auntie Lisa. Lisa the wonderful person that she is knew exactly what to do and after soaking it in some water had him straight to A&E were it was xrayed and proved to be all in tack, if somewhat badly bruised and then followed up with a Happy meal from McDonalds as a reward for being so brave lol.
Kye Kye will be home with us at the weekend, I'm so happy as I have missed him immensely, but he has had a lovely three weeks with his Gran and Aunt, switching between the two and going on lots of great adventures.
Dan forgot to get the car tax, so we are currently without a car until he gets around to it. Which might take a while as he has to do it when he is at work, with the works van lol and they are only allowed to do stuff like that if they are working near to the post office. You think as he know longer has to pay for his tax disc, that he would be better at remembering to do it bless him.
I'm doing Camp NaNoWriMo of course which so far is going ok, although I am not really feeling it this time.
well love and hugs all. Joss. xxx
I don't think I really estimated, very well, how much work would be involved with Insane Reno actually being published, since it popped up on Amazon, I have just had non stop work, be it replying to emails, promoting, or working hard to get Annie the prequel finished and up too.
It is all new for me and such a big learning curve that I suspect it is going to take a fair amount of getting used too.
Also this year I really had to start facing up to my disability, which quite frankly I had bee doing my best to ignore. When I had my son Kye, almost 6 years ago now, I was in labour for 53 hours, for I managed most of that on just gas and air, but then because of the length of my labour and my pure exhaustion, the midwives felt I should have an epidural, otherwise, I might not have the strength to push.
Now having an epidural is an incredibly scary thing, but oh my, once that needle is in and the medicine flowing, it feels so great, I even got to have a little nap. Sadly as we all know epidurals can be dangerous. What I didn't know at that they can cause your back to weaken over time. That is to say, I assumed if you were going to be paralysed by an epidural it would be instant.
However, that was not the case, after having my epidural, I began to get twinges in my back that were quite sharp, every so often, they gradually grew and grew over the years until they got to the point I am out now, unable to stand for very long, or walk very far without excruciating pain.
In order to obtain the small amount of mobility I still have, I have to use a wheelchair as much as possible, whenever I am doing anything that causes me pain. The idea is you see to keep the small amount of mobility I have in order that I will always (hopefully) be able to get myself in and out of the bath unaided, get out of my chair to get into bed, and so on and so forth.
the mobility scooter I was using outside was something I had only just gotten used to when I was informed that a wheelchair would need to be used inside and as much as possible and I put off getting that wheelchair like crazy. I didn't want to admit it had got that bad, because I still wanted to believe that it would get better somehow.
The wheel chair was like saying it's all over now, at least in my head.
So I have had it a couple of months now and am slowly coming to terms with it. It helps that I have my lovely little loopy lu, who is slowly learning to be my service dog. As he is such a clown and always making me laugh, to be fair, Ludo is probably going to be one of the worst service dogs ever if I don't stop laughing at his naughty antics and start encourage him to stay focused and do the required task.
He is so smart and fast to learn but he does love laughter and if you laugh when he does something silly he will repeat it time and time again.
for instance, when I started working with Ludo to help me with the washing, I got it so he was helping me pull stuff out at first which he excelled at, then we naturally moved on to him pushing things into the machine, which he did half-heartedly, because lets face it, it's just not as fun and yanky things out. Especially when they are caught in part under other items and you get to have a good tug. But then Ludo discovered the good thing about helping to load the machine, once its full there is a whole new load of stuff to pull back out, the only thing he hasn't quite grasp, is that those things really need to go through the wash first, nope, Ludo just puts them in and starts yanking them all straight back out again as soon as it is full. I made the mistake of laughing and this game spread, I put something in the bin, trying to encourage him to help with this, he pulls it back out and waits for me to put it back in again, I put something away, ludo wants to pull it back out again. So we are currently working on his patience and the fact that we are not just doing jobs for him to undo them straight away lol.
My other problem with Ludo is that I was determined he be a pet first and for most, I didn't want him to be able to go in shops with me, just help with things around the house and when we are out and I am on the scooter and drop things, So I kind of let him get away in the early days with him being overenthusiastic to get peoples attention. The result being that he spring boards up and down in front of people and spins in circles in front of them, because he has learned yep you guessed it, people laugh at this.
So we still have some wrinkles to iron out with ludo, due to my overly laid back approach with him lol.
Still he is making me come to terms with my disability a lot better.
the other thing currently going on in my life revolves around my husband and his Job, due to the recession the company my husband works for looks like it is set to go bust. We had discussed the possibility of Dan becoming my carer at some point to help me with the things I can't do, which Ludo can't help me with, and because should my back ever go completely while my son is at school and I am unable to move and not near a phone, how would I be able to let someone know I wouldn't be there to meet him off the bus and that is a very scary thought. With Dan home it means that, that never need be a worry. Due to the company he works for looking like they are going to go bust we decided now was probably the time to put that in action, but it is very scary as there are no guarantees as to how much help you will get with money and thus, so many questions regarding whether we can actually afford to take that route.
The reality is we are just going to have to go with the flow and try it and see, hoping that it all works out ok in the end, but it will certainly mean tightening our belts a fair bit.
Still I have faith that everything will work out okay in the end.
flash news:
De man my old Jack Russell cross (pictured above with his friend Flea lol) has really been struggling with his arthritis of late, so much so that when he stands still on the spot for to long his back legs shake like crazy. It's heartbreaking knowing that other than giving him his tablets we can not do anything to help. He doesn't seem to be in actual pain but it is not always easy to tell. I think I am going to take him to the vets and try and see if there is anything else they can do, if only for peace of mind.
Kye Kye, got his foot stood on by a horse, well I say foot but it more kind of scraped down his leg as you can see from the picture above, while staying down with his auntie Lisa. Lisa the wonderful person that she is knew exactly what to do and after soaking it in some water had him straight to A&E were it was xrayed and proved to be all in tack, if somewhat badly bruised and then followed up with a Happy meal from McDonalds as a reward for being so brave lol.
Kye Kye will be home with us at the weekend, I'm so happy as I have missed him immensely, but he has had a lovely three weeks with his Gran and Aunt, switching between the two and going on lots of great adventures.
Dan forgot to get the car tax, so we are currently without a car until he gets around to it. Which might take a while as he has to do it when he is at work, with the works van lol and they are only allowed to do stuff like that if they are working near to the post office. You think as he know longer has to pay for his tax disc, that he would be better at remembering to do it bless him.
I'm doing Camp NaNoWriMo of course which so far is going ok, although I am not really feeling it this time.
well love and hugs all. Joss. xxx
Blog issues
It seems so pesky pixies have decided to mess with my blog today and for some reason my replies to others comments are not showing up after I post them. So please do not think I am ignoring you if I do not respond, just got some bugs to try and figure our. Love and hugs Joss xx
Sunday 5 August 2012
Mistakes, Discovery and Growth.
Mistakes, discovery and growth are three things that keep popping up in my writing and reading choices of late and so it has compelled me to write about it.
I guess the best way of doing this is going to be to break it up into three and work on each section at a time, praying that my little scatterbrain, can stay focused on each, individually and not keep jumping between.
So mistakes then :)
When writing Insane Reno, I knew it was going to be a story full of mistakes, not only because of my inability to coax grammar into making sense, (gotta love editors) but because my main character Tizzy, made it clear from the off, that she was a very strong, stubborn person, who was incredibly angry to boot and her mother Annie, was also a strong, stubborn person who was extremely afraid, so afraid in fact, that when forced to face her fears, yep you guessed it, she became very angry.
I know only to well that damaged mother, daughter relationships are fraught with all kinds of problems and also result in an awful lot of mistakes being made, on both sides and thus was pretty sure that Tizzy and Annie would lead me on a very big emotional roller coaster.
What I didn't expect was for them to open my eyes so much, to my own mistakes and also to the realities of my relationship with my own mother.
I expected, to be one hundred percent behind Tizzy all the way, after all, her mother had kept some pretty big secrets from her and in refusing to share them, was putting both Tizzy and her father at risk. What sort of woman would do that, not a good one surely.
But the more I delved into Tizzy and Annie's story and examined their relationship, the more I wanted to heal it. Tizzy was so sure that she was right and her mother wrong that she didn't stop to wonder why her mother became the way she had and that is a problem a lot of us have, we are so busy thinking about ourselves, that we don't stop to consider others.
We will in seconds explain away our own misdeeds, well if my parents had been more affectionate, I would have taken time to find true love and not just grabbed for affection where ever I could get it. Well if my husband hadn't made us move away from our family, I wouldn't be so lonely now and thus wouldn't be so grumpy and so on and so forth.
Yet when it comes to other people we can see that they might have reasons too, maybe your parents are making mistakes as adults, because their parents made mistakes with them, when they were children, maybe your husband made the choice to move, because he thought rightly or wrongly that it was what was best for you as a family, perhaps in worrying about providing for the family, he forgot that we need more than just money in life to be happy.
The point I am trying to make and the realisation that Tizzy and Annie's story brought me to is that we all make mistakes, no single one of us is perfect, we can only strive to do our best and sometimes in doing so we make the wrong choices. Sometimes out of a need for self preservation and sometimes, in an attempt to protect those we care about.
Think about this, how many babies do you look at and think, I see evil in that babies eyes, their is a bad person right there. You don't! Not unless your staring in some messed up horror film that requires you to think that way at any rate, or some pre-labour nightmare lol.
The reality is no baby is evil, they are an innocent little creature, just waiting for life to take hold and either build them up or sadly tare them down.
It is a combination of life struggles, bad choices and others mistakes that ultimately make those babies grow into broken adults.
unless we have walked in another person shoes we cannot possibly judge them on the mistakes they make, we have no right, because we haven't lived their life.
Mistakes are a part of life, regardless of whether we make big mistakes or small mistakes, all of us at sometime or another will make mistakes.
Realising this, made me realise that there was another story I had to tell after, Insane Reno, that there was a badly broken person who came across so terribly in Insane Reno that I just had to go back and show her reality, her past, to let her explain for herself, why she ended up that way and so the prequel to Insane Reno was born. Annie.
For the sake of troubled mother and daughter relationships everywhere, including my own, I knew that I had to let Annie tell her story and hope that in doing so, perhaps other mothers and daughters out there would try to see things from each others point of view.
I said earlier on, that I wanted to heal Tizzy and Annie's relationship, but in truth Annie stories is Annie's own attempt to heal her broken relationship with her daughter, it is her plea for forgiveness, even as I write it, I have no idea if Tizzy will accept it, will even hear it.
Because I am not sure Tizzy wants to understand, for she is happy believing that her life is better off without her mother in it. Sadly sometimes we don't realise how much we need someone in our lives until it is to late.
For those of you who are perhaps not writers or perhaps don't write in the same way I do, this might seem strange to you. You may perhaps be sat their scratching your heads thinking why is she talking about her characters like they are real people, she must be insane lol, don't worry, I haven't lost the plot.
When I write, I get a very strong picture of my character as a person and a very strong sense of how they would react in any given circumstance. Because of this, it can sometimes feel as if the stories themselves come from the very characters own mouths, as if they are somehow guiding your word and the story, from inside your head.
It is very much a process of discovery for me as I write, I always start at the beginning and let my characters guide me through the story. So even I don't know what will happen in the end, until I get there and as Annie has not finished telling her story, Tizzy has not had a chance to react to it and so I honestly don't know how she will react.
I suspect given Tizzy's nature, curiosity will get the better of her when it comes to reading her mothers words, but whether her mothers words will open her eyes or not, I cannot say just yet, because not even I have heard all of Annie's tale yet and as I said before, if we haven't walked in someone else shoes, if we don't understand the things that they have faced, we can't possibly begin to judge them.
Discovery.
I spent a large part of my life, hoping to discover something that I felt was hugely important and in fact am still doing so. I've spent my life trying to discover who I am, because I don't feel as if I know the real me, I feel as if some how, the real me got lost along the way and all that is left is a person I don't know or recognise.
The reality is that as much as I wish the happy go lucky, little girl, who had no cares and no worries, who was polite, kind, sweet and good, was still me, she isn't, she is gone, life saw to that. So constantly trying to discover who I really am, is kinda pointless, because the reality is, who I am now, is currently, who I really am.
Doesn't mean it is who I will always be either, because there are other things we can discover in life that cause us to grow, change, and adapt.
If we don't like something about ourselves we can strive to change it, it won't always be easy and at times might seem, near impossible, but we can strive to achieve it.
Strive to try, that's one of my favourite sayings.
I just finished reading a book today, called The day I died by Polly Courtney, that really looks at this subject, (possible spoiler alert here, you have been warned.) in it, a young girl, who actually goes by many names within the story, but who we shall call Jo, is involved in an accident that causes her to lose her memory.
Jo cannot remember her name, where she lives or anything connected to her personal life, her very existence up until she finds herself coming too, in a bit of a disaster zone is erased and all she is left with is a sense of foreboding and fear.
So Jo takes off, just jumps on a bus and lets it take her anywhere, anywhere, that is far away from the life, she can't actually remember and she begins to start her life journey again as a completely new person.
But as much as Jo tries to start afresh, questions begin to crop up about her past, as well as memories.
When she steals, she wonders is this the kind of person I was? did I steal? was I a thief? and though she still steals, she loaves herself for it. When Jo finds she has a penchant for alcohol, she wonders if she was an alcoholic, and if this is the type of person she was. But the reality is she is still that person, because she is still doing, though she does strive to change it.
Jo is constantly discovering new things, not only about her old life, but herself and not all of it good and she also with time tries to go back. She is ultimately on a journey to discover who she really is, even if it starts with her trying to avoid who she really is and become something new.
So when she does discover who she was, what her life was life before the accident, she tries to go back to it, but she just, doesn't really seem to fit, at least not in the same way she had before and that's because all those experiences had changed her, and caused her to grow as a person, grow into someone new.
The better her she had hoped for all along, but still not perfect, because no one can be.
Jo travels the ultimate journey of discovery and because of it, she grows and that is what life is about, mistakes, discovery and growth.
Growth.
Growth, we are all growing constantly, every single thing that happens in our life, helps us to grow, be it in ourselves, in knowledge, in faith or in girth lol.
Sometimes, before we can grow we have to hit rock bottom, sometimes, for those who are a little less stubborn, we grow with relatively little heartache in our life, we grow from watching others mistake and pain, and by feeling compassion or a longing to understand them, to help them, to heal them. Sometimes it is a combination of the two.
whatever the case we are all constantly growing, some faster than others, but that doesn't matter, because we are all different after all and isn't that a good thing for the world would surely be a very boring place if we were all the same.
Finding God, was my ultimate discovery, (now don't go running for the hills I am not about to preach to you, I don't do that, I am simple explaining how it was for me, because I know only to well that people forcing God on others is not the way to bring someone to God, because when people used to do it to me I ran a mile. He was something I had to discover for myself. Any who, getting back on track.) Before I was saved, I was a real mixed bag of emotions and though I tried to figure myself out and others out, I could see why they might have done things, but I still couldn't let go of the anger I felt.
Finding my faith helped me get a lot better at that, because suddenly there was somewhere where my feeling were explained, where others had faced something similar or the same and come out the other side smiling. Where someone explained what I had to do in order to heal, there was the bible, God's word.
I went to God, full of anger, accusations, hurt, disbelief, and doubt. I went to God, determined to prove that he wasn't real, that he didn't care ( I know how can someone who isn't real not care right) and that there was no one out there watching over me and so much more beside.
But instead, I found people like me, people as equally flawed, people as equally broken as well as some amazing people who were healed, or healing, who were now trying to heal others, by listening, loving on them, and taking the time, to just be there for them.
These people weren't perfect and they knew it, they were flawed too, but it didn't matter because they were trying, trying so hard to be just good people and ultimately that is what the bible advocates, goodness, love, compassion, kindness, gentleness and so much more.
I watched these people take hours and hours of abuse from someone who was trying to ridicule them for their faith, days, weeks, months of it while still continuing to love on them.
The things those people went through and yet they never gave up on that person and because of that, one day, that person would open up, reveal their pain, pain that they had never been able to let out before, and it might only be for a moment before the shutters went up again, but it was a step towards there healing. Not everyone who was healed there turned to God, some did other didn't but they did all grow and they did come to respect and care about the people that took so much abuse from them, without ever giving any back.
Those people and God were the reason I was able to grow beyond the hurt, anger and pain that I had been battling with, and God and others I meet, or know continue to do the same.
God always seems to find a way to draw my attention to an issue I need to work on in my life. A bad habit or trait that I have that needs fixing in order for me to grow. Be it my stubbornness, my fears, or my self doubt.
I am growing much faster now, because I am more open too it, but there are so many ways that we grow, or come to grow. For all of us it is different, it's not something we can predict or make happen it just, does.
So to Summarise, mistake, discovery and growth are all apart of life, a way for us to become better people, we all will make mistakes, we all will seek to discover and we will all ultimately grow, so why fight it, why not just go with the flow, because the funny thing is, things have a way of getting better in the end, if only for a while.
love and hugs all Joss xxx
P.S. This has been a late night rambling, so forgive me if at times it got a bit confusing or if you felt it didn't make any sense at all lol. Oh look there's my self doubt again lol.
P.P.S, if you would like to read they day I died you can get your copy here
and finely a little song to remind you that the rain don't last forever :) enjoy.
I guess the best way of doing this is going to be to break it up into three and work on each section at a time, praying that my little scatterbrain, can stay focused on each, individually and not keep jumping between.
So mistakes then :)
When writing Insane Reno, I knew it was going to be a story full of mistakes, not only because of my inability to coax grammar into making sense, (gotta love editors) but because my main character Tizzy, made it clear from the off, that she was a very strong, stubborn person, who was incredibly angry to boot and her mother Annie, was also a strong, stubborn person who was extremely afraid, so afraid in fact, that when forced to face her fears, yep you guessed it, she became very angry.
I know only to well that damaged mother, daughter relationships are fraught with all kinds of problems and also result in an awful lot of mistakes being made, on both sides and thus was pretty sure that Tizzy and Annie would lead me on a very big emotional roller coaster.
What I didn't expect was for them to open my eyes so much, to my own mistakes and also to the realities of my relationship with my own mother.
I expected, to be one hundred percent behind Tizzy all the way, after all, her mother had kept some pretty big secrets from her and in refusing to share them, was putting both Tizzy and her father at risk. What sort of woman would do that, not a good one surely.
But the more I delved into Tizzy and Annie's story and examined their relationship, the more I wanted to heal it. Tizzy was so sure that she was right and her mother wrong that she didn't stop to wonder why her mother became the way she had and that is a problem a lot of us have, we are so busy thinking about ourselves, that we don't stop to consider others.
We will in seconds explain away our own misdeeds, well if my parents had been more affectionate, I would have taken time to find true love and not just grabbed for affection where ever I could get it. Well if my husband hadn't made us move away from our family, I wouldn't be so lonely now and thus wouldn't be so grumpy and so on and so forth.
Yet when it comes to other people we can see that they might have reasons too, maybe your parents are making mistakes as adults, because their parents made mistakes with them, when they were children, maybe your husband made the choice to move, because he thought rightly or wrongly that it was what was best for you as a family, perhaps in worrying about providing for the family, he forgot that we need more than just money in life to be happy.
The point I am trying to make and the realisation that Tizzy and Annie's story brought me to is that we all make mistakes, no single one of us is perfect, we can only strive to do our best and sometimes in doing so we make the wrong choices. Sometimes out of a need for self preservation and sometimes, in an attempt to protect those we care about.
Think about this, how many babies do you look at and think, I see evil in that babies eyes, their is a bad person right there. You don't! Not unless your staring in some messed up horror film that requires you to think that way at any rate, or some pre-labour nightmare lol.
The reality is no baby is evil, they are an innocent little creature, just waiting for life to take hold and either build them up or sadly tare them down.
It is a combination of life struggles, bad choices and others mistakes that ultimately make those babies grow into broken adults.
unless we have walked in another person shoes we cannot possibly judge them on the mistakes they make, we have no right, because we haven't lived their life.
Mistakes are a part of life, regardless of whether we make big mistakes or small mistakes, all of us at sometime or another will make mistakes.
Realising this, made me realise that there was another story I had to tell after, Insane Reno, that there was a badly broken person who came across so terribly in Insane Reno that I just had to go back and show her reality, her past, to let her explain for herself, why she ended up that way and so the prequel to Insane Reno was born. Annie.
For the sake of troubled mother and daughter relationships everywhere, including my own, I knew that I had to let Annie tell her story and hope that in doing so, perhaps other mothers and daughters out there would try to see things from each others point of view.
I said earlier on, that I wanted to heal Tizzy and Annie's relationship, but in truth Annie stories is Annie's own attempt to heal her broken relationship with her daughter, it is her plea for forgiveness, even as I write it, I have no idea if Tizzy will accept it, will even hear it.
Because I am not sure Tizzy wants to understand, for she is happy believing that her life is better off without her mother in it. Sadly sometimes we don't realise how much we need someone in our lives until it is to late.
For those of you who are perhaps not writers or perhaps don't write in the same way I do, this might seem strange to you. You may perhaps be sat their scratching your heads thinking why is she talking about her characters like they are real people, she must be insane lol, don't worry, I haven't lost the plot.
When I write, I get a very strong picture of my character as a person and a very strong sense of how they would react in any given circumstance. Because of this, it can sometimes feel as if the stories themselves come from the very characters own mouths, as if they are somehow guiding your word and the story, from inside your head.
It is very much a process of discovery for me as I write, I always start at the beginning and let my characters guide me through the story. So even I don't know what will happen in the end, until I get there and as Annie has not finished telling her story, Tizzy has not had a chance to react to it and so I honestly don't know how she will react.
I suspect given Tizzy's nature, curiosity will get the better of her when it comes to reading her mothers words, but whether her mothers words will open her eyes or not, I cannot say just yet, because not even I have heard all of Annie's tale yet and as I said before, if we haven't walked in someone else shoes, if we don't understand the things that they have faced, we can't possibly begin to judge them.
Discovery.
I spent a large part of my life, hoping to discover something that I felt was hugely important and in fact am still doing so. I've spent my life trying to discover who I am, because I don't feel as if I know the real me, I feel as if some how, the real me got lost along the way and all that is left is a person I don't know or recognise.
The reality is that as much as I wish the happy go lucky, little girl, who had no cares and no worries, who was polite, kind, sweet and good, was still me, she isn't, she is gone, life saw to that. So constantly trying to discover who I really am, is kinda pointless, because the reality is, who I am now, is currently, who I really am.
Doesn't mean it is who I will always be either, because there are other things we can discover in life that cause us to grow, change, and adapt.
If we don't like something about ourselves we can strive to change it, it won't always be easy and at times might seem, near impossible, but we can strive to achieve it.
Strive to try, that's one of my favourite sayings.
I just finished reading a book today, called The day I died by Polly Courtney, that really looks at this subject, (possible spoiler alert here, you have been warned.) in it, a young girl, who actually goes by many names within the story, but who we shall call Jo, is involved in an accident that causes her to lose her memory.
Jo cannot remember her name, where she lives or anything connected to her personal life, her very existence up until she finds herself coming too, in a bit of a disaster zone is erased and all she is left with is a sense of foreboding and fear.
So Jo takes off, just jumps on a bus and lets it take her anywhere, anywhere, that is far away from the life, she can't actually remember and she begins to start her life journey again as a completely new person.
But as much as Jo tries to start afresh, questions begin to crop up about her past, as well as memories.
When she steals, she wonders is this the kind of person I was? did I steal? was I a thief? and though she still steals, she loaves herself for it. When Jo finds she has a penchant for alcohol, she wonders if she was an alcoholic, and if this is the type of person she was. But the reality is she is still that person, because she is still doing, though she does strive to change it.
Jo is constantly discovering new things, not only about her old life, but herself and not all of it good and she also with time tries to go back. She is ultimately on a journey to discover who she really is, even if it starts with her trying to avoid who she really is and become something new.
So when she does discover who she was, what her life was life before the accident, she tries to go back to it, but she just, doesn't really seem to fit, at least not in the same way she had before and that's because all those experiences had changed her, and caused her to grow as a person, grow into someone new.
The better her she had hoped for all along, but still not perfect, because no one can be.
Jo travels the ultimate journey of discovery and because of it, she grows and that is what life is about, mistakes, discovery and growth.
Growth.
Growth, we are all growing constantly, every single thing that happens in our life, helps us to grow, be it in ourselves, in knowledge, in faith or in girth lol.
Sometimes, before we can grow we have to hit rock bottom, sometimes, for those who are a little less stubborn, we grow with relatively little heartache in our life, we grow from watching others mistake and pain, and by feeling compassion or a longing to understand them, to help them, to heal them. Sometimes it is a combination of the two.
whatever the case we are all constantly growing, some faster than others, but that doesn't matter, because we are all different after all and isn't that a good thing for the world would surely be a very boring place if we were all the same.
Finding God, was my ultimate discovery, (now don't go running for the hills I am not about to preach to you, I don't do that, I am simple explaining how it was for me, because I know only to well that people forcing God on others is not the way to bring someone to God, because when people used to do it to me I ran a mile. He was something I had to discover for myself. Any who, getting back on track.) Before I was saved, I was a real mixed bag of emotions and though I tried to figure myself out and others out, I could see why they might have done things, but I still couldn't let go of the anger I felt.
Finding my faith helped me get a lot better at that, because suddenly there was somewhere where my feeling were explained, where others had faced something similar or the same and come out the other side smiling. Where someone explained what I had to do in order to heal, there was the bible, God's word.
I went to God, full of anger, accusations, hurt, disbelief, and doubt. I went to God, determined to prove that he wasn't real, that he didn't care ( I know how can someone who isn't real not care right) and that there was no one out there watching over me and so much more beside.
But instead, I found people like me, people as equally flawed, people as equally broken as well as some amazing people who were healed, or healing, who were now trying to heal others, by listening, loving on them, and taking the time, to just be there for them.
These people weren't perfect and they knew it, they were flawed too, but it didn't matter because they were trying, trying so hard to be just good people and ultimately that is what the bible advocates, goodness, love, compassion, kindness, gentleness and so much more.
I watched these people take hours and hours of abuse from someone who was trying to ridicule them for their faith, days, weeks, months of it while still continuing to love on them.
The things those people went through and yet they never gave up on that person and because of that, one day, that person would open up, reveal their pain, pain that they had never been able to let out before, and it might only be for a moment before the shutters went up again, but it was a step towards there healing. Not everyone who was healed there turned to God, some did other didn't but they did all grow and they did come to respect and care about the people that took so much abuse from them, without ever giving any back.
Those people and God were the reason I was able to grow beyond the hurt, anger and pain that I had been battling with, and God and others I meet, or know continue to do the same.
God always seems to find a way to draw my attention to an issue I need to work on in my life. A bad habit or trait that I have that needs fixing in order for me to grow. Be it my stubbornness, my fears, or my self doubt.
I am growing much faster now, because I am more open too it, but there are so many ways that we grow, or come to grow. For all of us it is different, it's not something we can predict or make happen it just, does.
So to Summarise, mistake, discovery and growth are all apart of life, a way for us to become better people, we all will make mistakes, we all will seek to discover and we will all ultimately grow, so why fight it, why not just go with the flow, because the funny thing is, things have a way of getting better in the end, if only for a while.
love and hugs all Joss xxx
P.S. This has been a late night rambling, so forgive me if at times it got a bit confusing or if you felt it didn't make any sense at all lol. Oh look there's my self doubt again lol.
P.P.S, if you would like to read they day I died you can get your copy here
and finely a little song to remind you that the rain don't last forever :) enjoy.
Saturday 4 August 2012
new button's
At the side of my blog you will see some new buttons. I always struggle with the order in which to place things on my little side bar, so I have just decided to let it go in as it goes in lol.
Anywho, the newest additions are two facebook badges so you can add me as a friend on facebook and also join my authors page on facebook. So I invite you all to Join me as a friend and if you like join my author page, although I much prefer you as a friend overall as then you get to see all my day to day news and share with me, and I like wise you but it is entirely up to you.
secondly I have a follow me on twitter badge, me and twitter are just starting to get to know each other and beside what is currently trending I haven't worked out how to do much with it, so any tips and advice is greatly appreciated there.
Well this was just a quick note but please feel free to add me, so I can keep up to date on your goings on and also know when you have new book releases, so when hubby isn't watching lol, I can buy more books YAY!!!! love and hugs all. Joss xxx
Anywho, the newest additions are two facebook badges so you can add me as a friend on facebook and also join my authors page on facebook. So I invite you all to Join me as a friend and if you like join my author page, although I much prefer you as a friend overall as then you get to see all my day to day news and share with me, and I like wise you but it is entirely up to you.
secondly I have a follow me on twitter badge, me and twitter are just starting to get to know each other and beside what is currently trending I haven't worked out how to do much with it, so any tips and advice is greatly appreciated there.
Well this was just a quick note but please feel free to add me, so I can keep up to date on your goings on and also know when you have new book releases, so when hubby isn't watching lol, I can buy more books YAY!!!! love and hugs all. Joss xxx
tardy
Am feeling a little naughty today, as I forgot to do the final buccaneer blog fest post, so here it is, a little bit late, but I figure that is better than never.
Well, I came into this Blog fest a little bit late, my aim with the blog fest was to get to know some new people, maybe get a few more people to pick up my book Insane Reno (hay I ain't gonna lie, anyone who is a new author needs all the promotion they can get right.) and finely to have some fun.
All of which I have pretty much achieved, I think.
My aim's for after the Blog fest, I guess is to try to do my best to keep posting interesting pieces, to continue to make new friends and to hopefully do well with my books and writing also.
I am still trying to full get to grips with blogger and all it entails, I am terrible at remembering to research good posts and check what everyone is up to and this is something I want to improve with, because I think it's important to stay connected, in order for friendships to grow and flurish.
So there you have it, it's short but it says all I need too.
love and hugs Joss xxx
Well, I came into this Blog fest a little bit late, my aim with the blog fest was to get to know some new people, maybe get a few more people to pick up my book Insane Reno (hay I ain't gonna lie, anyone who is a new author needs all the promotion they can get right.) and finely to have some fun.
All of which I have pretty much achieved, I think.
My aim's for after the Blog fest, I guess is to try to do my best to keep posting interesting pieces, to continue to make new friends and to hopefully do well with my books and writing also.
I am still trying to full get to grips with blogger and all it entails, I am terrible at remembering to research good posts and check what everyone is up to and this is something I want to improve with, because I think it's important to stay connected, in order for friendships to grow and flurish.
So there you have it, it's short but it says all I need too.
love and hugs Joss xxx
Wednesday 1 August 2012
Day 1 of Camp NaNoWriMo
So day 1 of camp NaNoWriMo and my word count currently stands at, are you ready for this 0.
I would like to say that I have been hugely busy with very important things, but the reality is, I have in fact been playing world of tanks lol.
New maps went up today so no one had a clue what they were doing and well, I just couldn't resist taking advantage of that.
I do intend to stay up tonight and get as much done as possible to make up for it however.
Because once my son get's back on Friday, everything is going to get a whole lot more difficult.
On a happy note, my hay fever has calmed, although I have a very sore nose now grrr, but better then constant sneezing and itchy eye's lol.
Hoping to achieve at least 3k tonight, but time will tell I guess and I won't get it done sitting here.
love and hugs all xxx
I would like to say that I have been hugely busy with very important things, but the reality is, I have in fact been playing world of tanks lol.
New maps went up today so no one had a clue what they were doing and well, I just couldn't resist taking advantage of that.
I do intend to stay up tonight and get as much done as possible to make up for it however.
Because once my son get's back on Friday, everything is going to get a whole lot more difficult.
On a happy note, my hay fever has calmed, although I have a very sore nose now grrr, but better then constant sneezing and itchy eye's lol.
Hoping to achieve at least 3k tonight, but time will tell I guess and I won't get it done sitting here.
love and hugs all xxx
Those silly things I do
So it has been one of those days today, where I just seem to keep doing silly things, so first off and by far the silliest thing I have done today, is sign up for CampNaNoWriMo, I mean seriously, what was I thinking, I have three novels to work on, loads to do to help promote Insane Reno, a whole heap of books I promised new authors like myself, that I would read and leave feed back on and am so not letting them down, my son back from his Granny's house on friday and being that he is off for summer holidays for the whole of this month, yeah well you get the idea, then add into that two very mischievious little kittens who like knocking anything and everything off the sides and a border collie pup I am doing service training with, I really think I may have lost the plot and that's not even including cooking meals and housework. Might not complete this Nanowrimo, but I am going to try my best.
second silly thing I did today, was spend about 20 mins trying to type my phone number into a little box online, every time I hit done it would say too many numbers, at last I realised that the kittens little escapade which I am not sure if I told you about or not I will in a sec, but there little escapade, has knocked out some of my number keys in a very strange way now when I hit one or two, I get both and when I hit x I get z too. so now when I use those keys I have to go back and delete the one I didn't want, so annoying especially as one and two also holds speech marks and exclamation marks. fun fun fun.
so the naughty kitten story as promised, well basically here is what happened, Tizzy decided knocking everything off the sides wasn't nearly fun enough and so decided she should extend her efforts to the vase of flowers on my desk, the ones my hubby brought me to say congrats on getting published, which were really fairing lovely, well Tizzy decided it might be fun to try to jump on these and sent the whole thing flying all over my keyboard and me. She has some jump on her I can tell you. Thankfully the water didn't get close to my computer, but the keyboard and me did not fair quite so well. My only joy is that she got herself very wet too and she was less than impressed by that.
other silly things including, telling someone I had to go, cause I couldn't find my phone, while I was on said phone.
going into the kitchen to get something only to come back without it.
and while playing world of tanks, forgetting that I was in my artillery tank and driving all confident across the field, like I was in my light tank. I did wonder why it was so slow but it wasn't until people started typing in local, artillery what are you doing that I twigged. lol.
I think it is one of those days, I so need more sleep.
I hope your days are going much better than mine love and hugs Joss zxzxzxzx ( i am not deleting that many z's lets just pretend I was drifting off between kisses lol)
P.S. no I am not blonde, however, I was as a child I just don't think it ever left me
P.P.S my sisters have a theory that the females in our family get worse after popping out kiddie winks of our own. That may very well be true lol, marriage may also play a part.
second silly thing I did today, was spend about 20 mins trying to type my phone number into a little box online, every time I hit done it would say too many numbers, at last I realised that the kittens little escapade which I am not sure if I told you about or not I will in a sec, but there little escapade, has knocked out some of my number keys in a very strange way now when I hit one or two, I get both and when I hit x I get z too. so now when I use those keys I have to go back and delete the one I didn't want, so annoying especially as one and two also holds speech marks and exclamation marks. fun fun fun.
so the naughty kitten story as promised, well basically here is what happened, Tizzy decided knocking everything off the sides wasn't nearly fun enough and so decided she should extend her efforts to the vase of flowers on my desk, the ones my hubby brought me to say congrats on getting published, which were really fairing lovely, well Tizzy decided it might be fun to try to jump on these and sent the whole thing flying all over my keyboard and me. She has some jump on her I can tell you. Thankfully the water didn't get close to my computer, but the keyboard and me did not fair quite so well. My only joy is that she got herself very wet too and she was less than impressed by that.
other silly things including, telling someone I had to go, cause I couldn't find my phone, while I was on said phone.
going into the kitchen to get something only to come back without it.
and while playing world of tanks, forgetting that I was in my artillery tank and driving all confident across the field, like I was in my light tank. I did wonder why it was so slow but it wasn't until people started typing in local, artillery what are you doing that I twigged. lol.
I think it is one of those days, I so need more sleep.
I hope your days are going much better than mine love and hugs Joss zxzxzxzx ( i am not deleting that many z's lets just pretend I was drifting off between kisses lol)
P.S. no I am not blonde, however, I was as a child I just don't think it ever left me
P.P.S my sisters have a theory that the females in our family get worse after popping out kiddie winks of our own. That may very well be true lol, marriage may also play a part.
Buccaneer Blogfest post the giveaway.
So as part of the Buccaneer blogfest we have to have a little give away, when I first read about that part, I was like oh no what can I possibly give away that people would be interested in and then I started reading The Never Ending Story by Michael End.
I think to be a part of The Never Ending story would be amazing and who knows perhaps in some way both writers and readers are and so that is why I choose this book as my give away prize, so we can all travel back to our childhood :) To our world were imagination is everything.
So this is my first time doing one of these rafflecopter things, so I hope that I have done it right. Love and hugs all. Joss xxxx
a Rafflecopter giveaway
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